What matters most to us is the relationship your child builds with food

They’re sitting at the table with chicken and rice on their plate, and next to it a little pile of cucumber they may or may not eat – and we don’t make a drama out of it, because what matters to us isn’t whether your child finishes today’s lunch down to the last bite. What matters is the relationship with food they take away from their time with us. You can’t tell that from a single plate; it shows years later, when they’re eating on their own, guided by what their own body tells them – not by what adults happened to put on their plate today.

Fruit and vegetables offered with every meal

Children here have fruit and vegetables within reach at every meal – not as a compulsory side dish at lunch, but as a natural part of the table at every snack time. Lunches are served, but snacks are something we prepare together with the children – and beyond the snack itself, fruit and vegetables are always there for the taking. We don’t push them as a task; they’re simply on the table, alongside everything else, and children choose for themselves what to take. Some days a child takes a lot, other days almost nothing – and both are fine, because what matters is that the choice is there and the child makes it for themselves.

We decide what’s served, your child decides how much to eat

We follow a simple rule known as the Division of Responsibility, developed by the American dietitian Ellyn Satter – and it works beautifully for us: we, the adults, decide what is served, when, and at which table; the child decides whether to eat any of it and how much. This boundary gives us peace of mind, because we know exactly where our responsibility ends and where the part only the child can live through begins. And it gives the child trust – the certainty that we take their hunger and their fullness seriously, even while they’re still very small.

Why we never force children to eat

We don’t make children clean their plates – and it’s not because we don’t take food seriously, but precisely because we do. A child under pressure is a child under stress, and stress takes appetite away rather than adding to it – so a child who is forced to eat paradoxically eats less, not more. And food they had to eat when they didn’t want to is easily remembered as something unpleasant. What we care about most is that children never stop trusting their own sense of fullness – small children still have it beautifully tuned, and it would be a shame to break it.

In the short term, “one more bite and you’re done” may work – but in the long run it loses, because you can win a single lunch, while a relationship with food is built over years. So instead of pressure, we simply offer the food and leave it on the table without coaxing. Children often come to like a new food only after the tenth or fifteenth encounter, and it works best at a table with other children – because eating is something children learn most of all from each other.

Why there’s no such thing as healthy and unhealthy food here

We don’t divide food into good and bad, because the moment we do, a child sooner or later applies that division to themselves – and from “I ate something forbidden” it’s only a small step to “I’m naughty, I’m bad.” Besides, whatever is forbidden always tastes best, so children who one day get to it unsupervised eat far more of it, long after their hunger is gone. No single snack or lunch will save anyone, and none will ruin anyone either – whether a diet is balanced is decided by the whole week, not by one meal. And balance doesn’t mean perfection; it just means enough varied food on the plate, often enough. We also never use food as a reward or a punishment – that would turn food into a currency, and that is exactly the way to develop a strange relationship with it.

How we handle sweets

Sweets aren’t a normal part of the day in our group – children simply don’t see them here. But that doesn’t mean we ban sugar. In summer we go out for ice cream, at Christmas we bake gingerbread together, and when someone in the group has a birthday, they share a piece of cake with everyone – and all of that is on purpose. It’s not about prohibition, it’s about rhythm: sweets have their place in childhood, we just believe that place is a special occasion and a shared table – not a pocket, as a secret reward. That’s how a child learns that cake is food, not treasure to be snatched when nobody’s looking.

Have a question about meals?

Parents tend to have more questions about food than one web page can hold, and they’re best answered in person. But you’re also welcome to call or write to us, if that’s easier for you.